I’m motivated to write this entry as a result of reading a thread in one of my Yahoo! groups. I’d like to share a key concept that keeps me sane and helps me navigate the world of Autism with my non-verbal son. If I stay in my business, tend to my happiness and listen to my internal guidance system (because it is my personal belief that I know my child better than anyone else) then I’m in good shape and my family and child benefit. It’s when I start getting into other people’s business, judge what they’re doing, or allow other people’s opinions and judgments to influence my decisions when I personally get into trouble, experience frustration and stress. Often, as a result, I make poor decisions for my child’s protocol.
From my perspective, I prefer to make decisions based on the thoughts I personal believe. If I make decisions based on what I think I “should” do because someone else said I “should”, no matter what their qualifications, and I did NOT believe it, I go crazy. It’s when I research, contemplate, evaluate objectively and then trust that the decision I’ve made for a treatment option for my son comes from within me and no where else that I find relief for myself and my child. Then I notice, observe, and make adjustments based on the feedback I receive from my non-verbal child. I believe my child is communicating with me all the time with every sound, every behavior and every circumstance. I remind myself daily to tend to my business, stay out of other people’s business and listen beyond the words. Is this easy? No! However, for me it is infinitely less stressful, more productive, and non-resistive than doing the opposite. When I’m getting into other people’s business I ask myself, who’s tending to mine?
I appreciate others personal expression of their thoughts and perspective and I invite you to express yours.
As a mother of a child with Autism I am all too familiar with the feelings of self-loathing, self-judgment, disappointment, and inadequacy. All feelings that accompanied my journey into the depths of hell. I could certainly write entry after entry about my sad, sorry story. I’ve been there. It wasn’t pretty and it most definitely wasn’t fun. I more accurately remember it as extremely lonely and isolating.
I’m no longer there. I now realize that my feelings of loneliness and isolation were a direct result of being disconnected from myself. What I want to share with you is the discovery that I have within me all the power necessary find my truth inside. To do that, I had to reconnect with me again, fall in love, and shower myself with compassion.
One of the magical shifts that happened inside my head, inside my thoughts was the moment I welcomed the idea of living in compassion. Compassion. I love the sound of the word when I speak it out loud. I even love the way the letters look together on paper. Come passion, come back to me. The passion for life. I invited it back. Damn, it feels good.
The truth is my circumstances remain the same. I still am a mother of a child with Autism. What has changed dramatically is the way I think of myself and from there everything radiates. Living life with compassion for myself and for everyone and everything; from that perspective, life looks pretty darn attractive.
